Friday, March 3, 2017

A Humurous Online Marketing Glossary

Starting an online business these days is a scary business. Everywhere you look, there is an amazing opportunity that is guaranteed to produce seemingly incredible amounts of monthly income. Are these claims genuine, or just a figment of someone’s vivid imagination?

Unfortunately, truth in advertising and professional ethics have become digitally extinct. The bottom line is sales and lining the bank accounts of some obscure person you probably wouldn’t trust to feed your cat. Anonymity is not only the key to the success of many, it is also the boon of many a starry-eyed opportunity seeker.


It seems that the “gurus” or professional online marketers have their own lingo. It’s a bit like learning a new language, but if you are just starting out, it may be helpful to know the “true” meanings of the terms you are sure to see.


Auto-pilot-The only thing that runs on autopilot is the draining of your bank account with the recurring monthly fee schedule buried in the fine print. Translation: income taxes


Autoresponder-another way for the guru to make you think your special. Immediate response is translated into personal attention for the requested information. Translation: Answering machine


Blog-A way to advertise your product every day. Translation: Diary of a Used Car Salesman


Free-Come on. Nothing, especially on the Internet is free. It will at least cost you your e-mail address. How else would they be able to offset the cost of contacting you to sell you something at a later date?
Translation: Free isn’t


Guarantee-You can get your money back assuming you can locate the person you gave it to in the first place. Translation: Good Luck


Guru-An unscrupulous internet professional who has a proven track record of selling to newbies. He knows how to hype up and rehash old information to create the latest and greatest program to sell to the people who bought his/her last failed opportunity. These are the only people truly making money in Internet marketing. Translation: Used Car Salesman


List-The thing you have to sign up for in order to get “free” information. This opens the door for the gurus to email you with the sales pitch about their latest greatest product. The favorite saying of Internet gurus: The money’s in the list. Translation: Little Black Book


Newbie-If you don’t know what a newbie is, you probably are one. This is a person who is new to internet marketing and an easy target for hyped up rehashed information. Even if you’re not a sucker for everything that comes down the pike, you will be treated like one. Translation: Fresh meat


Opportunity-Usually, the only opportunity is for the guru to make a quick buck then disappear into anonymity. Translation: Highway Robbery


Opt-in-This is a free pass for the guru to clog your inbox with sales pitches. Translation: Your phone number on the bathroom wall


OTO-One-Time-Opportunity-“This is the only time you will see this amazing offer…” Yeah, Right! And when you close that window, a new one comes up with an even lower price. This is just another attempt to get you to part with your cash. Translation: Infomercial


Pop-up-Everyone has experienced these nasty little windows that appear out of nowhere. This is just another opportunity to get you to look at the product, especially since it is virtually impossible to close them. These little demon windows have evolved so that even pop-up blockers are of little effect. Translation: Telemarketers at dinnertime


Pre-Launch-This is supposedly a chance to buy a product before it’s official release. This is the lamest term yet. Either the campaign has launched or it hasn’t. The term is used to make you think you’re a part of some special group being offered a first chance look, but in reality, you’re just another name on the list. Translation: Premature ejaculation


Product-Usually the “product” is information. Something that they know, and assume you don’t. Add some exaggerated performance claims, a few contrived testimonials, charge an exorbitant amount of money, and it becomes a product. Translation: Used Car


Secrets-Bits of information that entice you to want more information so you have to buy the product. Translation: Free samples


Spam-Unwanted or unsolicited e-mail promoting stuff that you wouldn’t buy in the first place. Now who would do this? Better yet, what can you do to stop it? Translation: Junk Mail


Test Drive-This allows you to use their system free for a short period of time and allows them access to your credit card number for future charges. Translation: See Auto-pilot


Testimonial-These offer great product reviews from people you don’t know or trust, and quite possible might not exist. There are software programs available to produce testimonials. All you do is make up some names, or put in your friends names. Why would anyone actually believe a testimonial on the Internet? Translation: “Trust Me”


Traffic Exchange-Marketers view other marketers websites in an effort to earn credits which allow them to show their website. This is like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo. Translation: Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.


This is just a few examples of words you will undoubtedly encounter in your Internet travels. While this is only a partial list, the underlying theme remains the same…Buyer beware. Do not believe everything you read.


Labels: A Humurous Online Marketing Glossary

An Easy and Inexpensive Easter Meal

When I first married my husband, I didn’t cook. One of the first things I tried to cook was my mother- in- law’s ham recipe. I don’t know where she discovered this recipe, but it works every time. My mother- in-law is gone now, but we still honor her by making her ham recipe for Easter every year.

Grandma Anna’s No Fuss Ham


Ingredients:


One Ham with bone – The ham can be any size. I prefer one with a bone in it so I can make pea soup with it afterwards and this recipe seems to work best using a Ham with a bone. In addition, leftovers of this ham freeze well and reheated so making extra isn’t a problem


1 Bottle of Orange Soda ( I like Orange Crush the best)


½ of 1 pound bag/box of Dark Brown Sugar ( Save the other half of the box for the Mashed Sweet Potato Recipe Below)


1- 16oz can of crushed Pineapple – well drained


Directions:


  1. Preheat over to 350 degrees

  2. Remove ham from packaging and place in a deep pan.

  3. Cut top of ham with X-marks making sure you pierce the skin of the meat

  4. Pour ½ of the bottle of Orange Soda on top of the ham

  5. Pack Dark brown sugar all over the ham forming a crust

  6. Place the crushed Pineapple on the top of the ham slowly so that the brown sugar crust is not washed away.

  7. Pour remaining portion of Orange Soda on top of the ham. Make sure you pour it gently and evenly or you will wash away the Sugar and Pineapple

  8. Cover the ham and seal the Pan’s edges with tin foil creating a tent and place in the oven to cook.

  9. Cooking times vary depending on the type of ham purchased. So read the cooking directions normally listed on the ham’s label. If you can’t find the ham’s cooking directions, I normally cook my ham about 15 minutes per pound.

I usually make mashed sweet potatoes, rolls, and a vinaigrette salad as side dishes with the ham. This dinner is not fussy but filling and a good value especially when feeding a large group of guests.

Here is my Sweet Potatoes Recipe:


Auntie Ana’s Sweet Potatoes


Ingredients:


2 lb Sweet Potatoes


½ stick butter – cut into tsp pieces


2 cups of Brown Sugar – You can use all the sugar or less of it depending on taste


Cream as needed for mashing


Tiny Marshmallows


Directions:


  1. Preheat Oven 350 degrees

  2. Boil Sweet Potatoes until soft and mushy

  3. Pour off water and mash potatoes until smooth.

  4. While mashing add butter, one piece at a time and one tablespoon of cream until the Potatoes are of a creamy consistency.

  5. During the mixing start adding Brown Sugar one-quarter cup at a time, do this process until it reaches your preferred sweetness level.

  6. Place mashed Potatoes into an oven proof baking dish and cover top with marshmallows.

  7. Place Dish into over and cook until top of marshmallows begin to brown slightly. Don’t wait until the marshmallows are completely brown if you do, it will burn.

These simple dishes make for a quick and easy Easter Dinner. In addition, you don’t have to break the bank in order to serve a large group of people and the leftovers and Ham bone can be used to make more great meals and pea soup.


Labels: An Easy and Inexpensive Easter Meal

An Angel or an Unemployed Fool

The woman has two minor children. One sixteen year old that refuses to drink alchahol or participate in drugs, but has several problems due to a father that will not care. A seven year old child that has had such a poor environment for achievement that the child was held back one grade and remains in the first grade of his school. A twenty year old daughter lives in the home with her yearling son and her male friend. Another son, eighteen years old has little education and no employment expectations. Teens use the home as a party house. Adults use the home as a food bank and a flop over stop: eating the food meant for the children, keeping the children awake throughout the night, chasing the seven year old crying off to his room everytime the wished to drink or speak of drugs and using the utilities freely.

The home is in disrepair and abandoned to the family by the grandmother of the children. Neighbors turn a blind eye to the late night parties and visitors. Teachers try to help in the classroom and overlook the absenteeism. The father has taken the mother out for weekends but never offered a single similar venture to the children. The home is a post war solution to the release of millions of veterans from the armed services and has poor wirning and insulation. There were few curtains and even less proper bedding or cleanliness. The home was as much a landfill as a refuse pit. Mattresses lie on the bedroom floors and holes are the only decoration for the walls.


That is how I met them. A romantic date with the mother. A waltz in a Wal-Mart and a meal at the Dynasty Buffet in Belden Village, a walk in the park and a tear-filled dance before the gates of Glamorgan Castle. A woman that had been wrapped in the blanket of hopelessness shed tears of hope that night. Her dreams had awakened from their slumber and for the first time she wanted to have a normal life. Even though I had informed her that one day I would move on and wanted an open relationship, she had decided then that she would not forsake the me and would place herself and her family in my care and guidance.


Nearly six months later my van has been destroyed by friends of her daughter. The same daughter that had moved out of the home with her male friend rather than live in a home where she could not host parties for her minor and young adult friends. She argues with her mother numerous times. “No man can be like she says,” the young woman had yelled at me one day with tears pouring down her face. “She comes in her crying about how great you are and that she can never really have you….selling me dreams about how a knight can come out of the dark and rescue her….how you care about her children and never ask for anything back…how you walk in her when she has another guy here and still come back and show her love…how her sons love you and you treat them like a father would but refuse to allow them to call you their father…I am just tired of it…no one can be like that, not like she makes it seem…and look who I am stuck with for a man and father to my child…why can’t I find my prince charming for a day or night?” She moved into a home that catered to wild parties.


The eighteen year old also moved out of the home because the mother was applying the policies I encouraged, Now he is back in school and keeping good grades. His teachers are impressed. He goes weekly to fill out applications and is trying to clean the house vacated by his mother.


The sixteen year old entered a school work program. Then he withdrew from it and caused a situation that resulted in friends of his sister smashing the windows of my van at a time when I cannot afford to have them fixed. He has now agreed to return to school, accept the fact his father simply is not willing to be there for him in times of need and has agreed to return to the work program. Sure, he held out for five days hoping that he could force his mother to disassociate herself with me, but he is here, in the room the was palnned for him, with a double bed, computer, desk, his own porch and doorway to the outside and his own telephone…all things intended to prepare him for the day he turns eighteen.


The seven year old has his own room. He has his own computer. His bed sits off the floor. He is eating everyday. He knows bedtime is at nine o’clock on school nights and he has no bedtime on the weekend as long as he recieves good marks in school. He no longer stays awake all night or demands that a light be kept on in his room through the night. He listens and has not had a single day in the home when he was sent to his room even though he had done no wrong or act of misbehavior. In his room is a lighted Christmas tree that has presents under it…none expensive but presents all the same. He uses his toys and puts them away, gets his own snacks if they do not require cutting or cooking and showers every day.


Then today I was given the following letter:


“To my dearest Jimmy, Maharathah!


“I am giving you my greatest gratitude and thanks for taking my family in. I don’t know if you fell from a star or are from another planet or if you are that special angel. Well, any way, you don’t know how much I appreciate everything you have done for us. I really do!


“I don’t know if this next step is as good or better than the last step, but if ever I am imposing where I should not, please tell me.


“I really wish you knew how much I love you and I am sorry for all the shit you have had to go through with my family. I pray you will always be there, although, deep in my heart I know you will be gone!


“Please, release me slowly…that is all I ask!


“Love always…”


Comments my be sent directly to the Author’s email address at jimmy_paxson at yahoo dot com.


Labels: An Angel or an Unemployed Fool

A Thanksgiving Memory of a High school Coach; "Thanks Coach James"

I was a junior in high school and I was about 6’5”. I wanted to play basketball. The problem was I weighed 135 pounds. I was fast and I could jump so I thought I could be a guard. Coach James didn’t think so. Of course ball-players in any sport were usually popular so it meant a lot to me.

I started practicing with the team as soon as it was possible and I worked as hard as I could. I was early to practice. I went after the ball like no one else. “Hustle” became my first, middle and last name. Oh, and I ate like nobody’s business. Still all of the signs were there that I wasn’t going to make the team. For one reason we had an incredible number of outstanding players and in fact they would do well in the sectional tournament.


Finally the day for the trimming of the roster came and I shakily approached the list. My name was not on the “cut sheet.” I couldn’t keep a scream of victory from shooting out of my body. However mid scream I saw the sentence “I would like to see Mr. Davis in my office at 4:00.”


I was at his door right on time and quite fearful of the session. “Glad you saw my note,” Coach said. I asked, “Did I not really make the team?” He answered, “Sure, you’re on the team. I want to know if you really want to be.”


Over the next few minutes Coach James told me how impressed he was with my effort and it was as a result of that, I was on the team. He also felt he needed to tell me I would never see a minute of playing time. The players we had were too good and they would still be there when I was a senior.


As my face hit the floor he noted, “I see how you make kids laugh in Speech and Drama. Even the teachers can’t hold back laughing. Further you have a gift in music and I seem to have noticed a couple of young ladies who seem to have a little crush on you.”


What the Coach meant was not to waste time being something I wasn’t but put my effort where I could succeed. I listened to him. My junior and my senior year were both a great deal of fun and yes I did have a few girlfriends.


Often over the years I have found myself on a road that I have no business trying to walk. Because of the coach’s wisdom I know better than to chase the wind.


Thanks, Coach.


Labels: A Thanksgiving Memory of a High school Coach; "Thanks Coach James"

5 Ways to Save Money on Back to School Supplies

With the approaching end of summer comes the back to school shopping season and you may be thinking of ways to save money on back to school supplies. I have already seen the signs popping up at local retail shops announcing the upcoming sales, and I’ve begun some of my own bargain shopping. To get the most out of your shopping dollars here are some ways to save money on back to school supplies.

Save money on back to school supplies #1: Shop at different stores.


You can save money on back to school supplies by shopping at different stores, as they will feature different items at bargain prices. One store may have crayons on special while another may have the pocket file folders on discount. Many stores use an advertising strategy where they heavily discount one item in the hopes that you will purchase all your school supplies from them. This is similar to the “loss leader” strategies that grocery stores regularly use. Purchase each store’s best sale and then move on to the next store. The exception to this would be if a store offered to “price match” a competitor’s price.


Save money on back to school supplies #2: Re-use what you can from last year.


Another simple way to save money on back to school supplies is simply assessing what you can use from last year. There is no reason to purchase a new backpack or lunch box if the one from last year is still in good condition. This same concept applies to rulers, pencil boxes, compasses, calculators and other supplies. Before heading out to shop take an inventory of what you have so you can eliminate those items from the “needs” list.


Save money on back to school supplies #3: Check your local dollar store.


A great place to visit to help you save money on back to school supplies is your local dollar store. I’ve seen rulers, pencils, folders, and school paper with the same name brands found at regular retail stores but on sale for only $1. You might not find everything you need but it is worth a visit to see what inventory your store has.


Save money on back to school supplies #4: Look for coupons to combine with sales and discounts.


Be sure to check your Sunday newspaper for any manufacturer coupons and check lunch box and backpack purchases for coupons and special offers.


Save money on back to school supplies #5: Find out if your state offers tax free holidays.


You can really maximize your savings by shopping during tax free holidays and combining store sales and discounts.


Labels: 5 Ways to Save Money on Back to School Supplies

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