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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

10 Christmas Songs I'd Rather Not Hear

My Christmas Spirit (yes I have it) is what bouyed me and kept me from drowning in the bottomless pit of worry over the economic prospects of the coming year. Yet, am losing the “spirit” each time I hear some Christmas songs.

The following are my 10 must NOT listen to Christmas songs:

1. You’ All I Want for Christmas

Oh please! Who would believe such a crap? For crying out loud…Me?!? All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth to be made in platinum and embedded with gems. How about diamonds…

2. Merry Christmas Darling

Why don’t you just whisper that in you darling’s ear after you clasp the diamond necklace around her neck? Maybe you’ll get somewhere cozy…

3. White Christmas

Hellooo! There are parts of this planet without snow. Unlike RECESSION, the snow do not reach every nook and cranny of this weird wired world. Don’t you like the color green? My favorite color is red.

4. Blue Christmas

Didn’t I just said my favorite color is red? Sshhhh…hush now.

5. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

Okay, I like the color of Rudolph’s nose, that is the only thing I find likeable in this overplayed, oversung and abused carol!

6. Feliz Navidad

Duh?!? Translation please…

7. Winter Wonderland

I’d rather be with Alice in Wonderland. What’s wonderful about freezing?

8. Jingle Bell Rock

Maybe the composer of this particular jingle is “stoned” when this was written.

9. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

When? I hope he brings cash. Tons of it. Then, give it all to Congress, so Congress can bail out every darn company which needed bailing out and leave the taxpayers’ money alone!

10. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause

No, I did not! Mommy died before am old enough to learn the curiosity-satisfying thing called “peeking” or is it “peeping?”

I wish the foregoing Christmas songs will be banned from being played over the airwaves. At least I hope I won’t hear them when they do get played over and over and over…

Tags:10 Christmas Songs I’d Rather Not Hear

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